Nobody likes uninvited advice. I know when Landon and I were getting married, I had a really tough time taking advice. I think it was partly because we were 20 years old and everyone kept saying that we were so young. Too young to get married. Understandably, I became defensive whenever anyone tried to offer a piece of advice. I just didn’t want to hear it. Thankfully, Landon and I have been blessed with 10 years of blissful marriage thus far and counting. That doesn’t mean that there haven’t been bumps down the road. A few years into our marriage we came across a couple of books that completely changed our marriage! They’ve eliminated friction in common topics that other marriages are known to fail because the couples aren’t on the same page. These are crucial books to read before you say “I Do”.
Why are we writing this blog? Well we love love! We love marriage! We love unity and we want all couples to feel the joy that we feel! Being married to my high school sweetheart, and still considering him my favorite person in the world, my best friend, is something I wish upon all of you!
The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
The first book that we encourage every single couple, wether you are dating, engaged or married, is The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. I cannot begin to tell you how much this book has helped our marriage not just survive but be fulfilling and enjoyable! This book helped us pin point how we liked to be loved, allowing us the opportunity to fill each others love tank to capacity. For example my love language is acts of service and words of affirmation. Landon’s love language is touch and quality time. This was a huge eye opener for me, especially since touch was last on my list.
Knowing Landon’s love language has helped me stay aware that physical acts not only will fill his love tank but rejecting his kisses or hugs would deplete his tank. So we have a system now, thanks to this gained knowledge, he knows that what gets my tank overflowing is acts of service, so he does dishes or helps me with the girls, or tackles my never ending honey do list and well I know and WANT to thank him with hugs and kisses etc. My love tank is full and so is his!
We also use this knowledge whenever we have disagreements. I know if I say something that offends him, I already know a simple sorry won’t have as big of an impact as me walking up to him rubbing his back and saying ” Honey I’m so sorry “. Trust me this has happened a couple of times. He also knows that to bring something to my attention that may offend me is more likely to be received positively if he begins the conversations with the things that I am doing right, or that he is proud of. I then receive it as constructive criticism instead of criticism. Trust me guys, knowing how to fill your spouses love tank is key!
Dave Ramsey: Total Money Makeover
Did you know that couples who disagree about money less than once per month run a 30 to 40 percent increase in the risk of divorce. This rate increases steeply when the partners fight several times per month, once a week, several times a week, to almost daily, when the risk increases to 125 percent to 160 percent. Money is the second leading cause for divorce in the United States. The mistake that some couples make, in our opinion, is that they think that if they make a lot of money they don’t need to be concerned with money causing potential friction in their marriage. If that were the case then wealthy couples wouldn’t get divorce due to finances.
The key is to be on the same page when it comes to your financial plan for your family. Forming a plan together and working towards the same goal is something every couple should strive for but most don’t know how or where to even begin. We are huge fans of Dave Ramsey: Total Money Makeover. His book has completely changed our game plan and freed us from debt. We are debt free!!!! We want that for all of our couples! The peace and freedom that you feel when you know that you don’t owe anyone money and that you don’t argue about money, is AMAZING! We recommend all our couples to add Financial Peace University to their wedding registry! Trust us, it will be the best gift in the world!
Marriage is beautiful! The lack of communication is what causes it to be anything less than beautiful! Take the time to have the hard conversations now and you’ll avoid the nasty heartache later!